There’s not too much shame in a botched March Madness bracket. The NCAA Tournament is compressed chaos in single elimination, upsets are part of the game, and only one entrant can actually win it all.
What we can’t forgive is a lazy, uninspired bracket name.
The men’s and women’s tournaments give us a wealth of punnable schools, player names and coach names to choose from — and even an arena or two. Here are this correspondent’s favorite puns and frivolities for 2025 bracket names. Give us yours in the comments below.
Men’s
Ok, Broomer — For those who see Auburn as an inevitability, go with their star, Johni Broome, for your bracket name. These are not your postwar Tigers.
Green Flaggs — A lot of folks will swipe right on the Blue Devils if their megastar Cooper Flagg is healthy.
Lipsey’s Hustle — The marathon continues for Tamin Lipsey, Iowa State and the Fightin’ Otzelbergers.
Knuck If You Buzz — Texas A&M head coach Buzz Williams has the sheer intensity and righteous passion of prime Lil Scrappy.
Let’s Get Oweh From It All — To Kentucky’s Otega Oweh: “Let’s take a boat to Bermuda, let’s take a plane to Lexington.”
Yes, UConn — For the Huskies believers.
No, UConn’t — For people who actually watched UConn this season.
Creighton for a Star to Fall — The name whispered on the wind was, in fact, “Ryan Kalkbrenner.”
Caleb Love and Basketball — For what? Our hearts, of course. And an Arizona run.
Caleb Grillz — Missouri bucket-getter Caleb Grill has his whole top diamond and the bottom row gold … we think.
Littlejohn and the Eastside Boyz — Chase Hunter and Clemson have forced their tourney seeding to Get Low. Looking to bring some hardware back to Littlejohn Coliseum.
Frankie Fidler on the Roof — To life, to life, to Sparty. Tevye would’ve trusted Michigan State’s Tom Izzo in March.
Love (Ma)shack — It’s a lil’ old place where we can get together … and make Alabama really upset. Tennessee’s Jahmai Mashack makes a great bracket name.
LJ Cryer and the Infinite Sadness — A [Houston] Cougar with Butterfly Wings. Underestimate whatever that is at your own peril.
Queen’s Gambit — Maryland’s freshman center Derik Queen is the tallest, fleetest turtle we’ve ever seen.
Kameron Presents…the (Golden) Diplomats — Based on Marquette’s guard Kameron Jones. Does that make David Joplin Juelz Santana?
Silkk Da Shaka — Another great Marquette play.
Toppin My Collar — For those both appreciating Texas Tech’s resurgence (and star JT Toppin) and wishing it was 2005 again.
“What Are You Doing in My Swamp?!”— The Florida Gators would win and cover against Lord Farquaad.
Rick Pitino’s Bodega Corner — The Johnnies have taken New York by (red) storm.
Throw it Down, Big Man —For those wanting to honor the late Bill Walton.
One Shining Moment — For those wanting to honor the late Greg Gumbel.
Grant Nelson’s Mustache — In celebration of the sport’s modern canon.
The Parentheses Preferers — Who needs brackets? Proper punctuation prevents poor performance.
Tar Heels and Glass Slippers — Maybe, just maybe, there’s someone out there who has UNC making a Cinderella turn.
The Floor Slappers Federation — Yup, it’s about that time.
Women’s
Elementary, My Dear Watkins — For those who fashion JuJu Watkins and the Trojans as “A Study in Scarlet.”
JuJu Fruit — We just can’t get enough of JuJu!
For Bueckers or Worse — Paige Bueckers is the superstar, but Sarah Strong and Azzi Fudd also balled out this year.
For Auriemma, Forever Ago — Do we think UConn’s iconic coach, Geno Auriemma, knows who or what Bon Iver is?
Place Your Betts — UCLA and Lauren Betts could certainly cash out after their inspired Big Ten tourney performance.
Dawn and On — South Carolina and Dawn Staley pursue their fourth national title of this era. We’ll take every opportunity to hear more Erykah Badu.
Boom Boom Paopao — The WNBA-bound Gamecock Te-Hina Paopao is so 3008.
The Van, The Lith, The Legend — TCU’s superstar Hailey Van Lith just put in work as the MVP of the Big 12 Tournament.
Hidalgo To Bed — Don’t sleep on Notre Dame (or Hannah Hidalgo) despite the late-season slump.
Came Out a Beast — Flau’jae Johnson is nice on the boards and in the booth.
Taylor Jones’ Block Party — Everyone’s invited. Texas is tough in the frontcourt.
Wes is Moore — A guiding mantra. NC State’s sideline strategist Wes Moore is the ACC’s Coach of the Year.
Lawson’s Creek — For those switching over to Duke (coached by Kara Lawson) after their conference tournament title. Casting recommendation: Michelle Williams as Toby Fournier.
O.K., Sooner — We brought it back one time for those rolling with Raegan Beers and Oklahoma.
(Illustration: Kelsea Petersen / The Athletic; Harry How / Getty Images, Grant Halverson / Getty Images, Kevin C. Cox / Getty Images)